This week, I have been burning the candle at both ends so to speak. On Tuesday, I woke up thinking it was Friday, and I was so excited to finish out my week. The worst feeling is thinking you are at the finish line when you haven’t even hit the half way point.

Today felt like there was potential for hope and promise until I read an email from the Board of Behavioral Sciences. This is an organization found in every state and controls the associate licensing and full licensure of all mental health clinicians. In order to become fully licensed as a Social Worker, Marriage and Family Therapist, or a Licensed Professional Counselor, you have to first submit an application to become an associate. It takes a very long time to gather all of the paperwork, sign all of the documents, submit everything necessary, and then they take 3-4 months to review all of the paperwork. They then will give you an associate license and the task of completing 3,000 clinical hours. 3,000 hours, nothing, right? WRONG. If you are an MFT or LPC, 1,750 hours have to be directly working with clients. That means individual counseling services. So if people do not show up, or call out, you have to wait even longer. The other 1,250 hours are progress notes, assessments, trainings, and “client advocacy”.

This far, I have completed 780 hours toward licensure, but I am still waiting on my associate number. Today, I received an email stating that they never received my associate application but they do have all of my other paperwork. So now, I must wait for another 3 weeks for them to review my application and then I can move forward.

I get to collect hours while I wait, but the waiting is frustrating because I thought that all had been submitted and that I would be receiving my number. The finish line just keeps moving further away and it feels like I am waiting forever. The reality is that I am still paid at my job and this is a minor setback, but still a frustrating situation that is causing continued stress.

At my job, I make less than my other coworkers who have their associate numbers; a whole $7 less. There are technicalities with this because of billing which requires at least an associate number. So, I am still waiting for my $7 more per hour, and my ability to work a side job gathering more direct hours so that I can finish my associate portion in 2 years instead of 3. The sooner I finish my associate license, the sooner I can be fully licensed, work private practice on the side, and supervise other clinicians.

The waiting game is discouraging which emphasizes the lack of compassion we have with ourselves in regards to grief and sadness. Some days we are given news that is more than a “minor inconvenience” and it is ok to sit and grieve while we sort out next steps. It is ok to mourn opportunities that are lost or taken from us. It is also important to measure our grief and react appropriately. This setback of my associate number taking longer than expected is disappointing, but I am fine. I am still healthy, I am still able to work, and I still able to collect my hours toward my license. In the grand scheme of problems I have had, this is the least damaging to my soul. I will be fine. I am learning to just be more careful when submitting forms for my own benefit.