In my epic quest to learn how to manage my symptoms of ADHD, which include inattention, anxiety, depression, dissociation, and fidgeting, I have struggled with money management and online shopping. In the past few months, I have had the wake-up call to have a savings account because the future is near, which means moving, maybe a family, and continued inflation.

I did the math once, and I had spent $1200 a month just getting DoorDash and grocery delivery and $1000 on random online shopping purchases. I have done a lot of therapy since then, and I have practiced a lot of mindfulness to try to understand what triggers me to click “Buy Now” while I am online window shopping. Ultimately, it was always a lack of control in different situations combined with immense boredom and the need to “treat” myself. A month out, I still have to set reminders on my phone that the money in my checking account is not “fun” money, but instead, it is there to pay bills that I forget are set to auto-pay and for emergency needs.

It is no secret that 2025 is not great on a geo-political and economic scale, and the environment is dying because of human error and destructive tendencies. So I have to wonder, what is the point in saving to buy a home if the world feels like it is ending? I will never own a home in California unless it is in the middle of nowhere or comes in the form of a condominium, neither of which is the dream. The ocean levels are rising, meaning Wisconsin is the only safe place to buy a home that won’t be impacted by floods, hurricanes, tsunamis, and tornados. But here I am, not buying clothes that I may or may not actually wear, abstaining from impulse purchases, and canceling subscriptions to Amazon Prime and Target Pick-ups. I am saving for the apocalypse.

I think that’s the poetic irony in all of the chaos that the world keeps bombarding all of us in the midst of fires, floods, dictatorships, and World War 3; we are still planning for the future as if it will be the same that it was for our parents and grandparents. My dad was able to buy a home in 1990, working in agriculture. My grandparents managed to have 8 kids and work full-time to afford a home in the Bay Area. To afford a home, I would need to make $175,000 a year. I would also require no education debt, credit card debt, or car payments. In a perfect world, I would buy a lottery ticket and win $2.5 million so that after taxes, I could pay off all my debts, buy a home outright, and continue working at a job I love immensely. You know, elementary dreams.

Part of the future planning is looking back at where I once was. At one point in time, I was writing on this blog with no idea what I was going to do, just a bachelor’s degree and really crappy jobs that paid nothing. Now, I am working a job with a salary and benefits, and I can afford a car and rent, and I am on my way to paying off every dollar owed. It is wild how much changes in 5 years.

So, as I watch the world burn with everyone else, I am still planning for a future in which the world is not ending. Maybe a world where there is hope and joy. Just maybe.